Recently, my good friend Cooper Paradice took a shower.
This isn’t out of the ordinary for him, by the way. I just wanted to leave you hanging there for a second and question the consistency of his hygienic schedule.
So here’s the story: Recently, I went to go visit some of my very close friends at their suite in Mills Hall. I don’t get to see them as much as I would like to, so whenever I do I always like to take my time. The majority of us have been the best of buds ever since our freshman year when we all met in the charmingly sporty Gibbs Hall two years ago. Cooper, on the other hand, is a sophomore who we met last year because he went to the same high school as one of our mutual friends, Danny Brammer. Ever since meeting him, we’ve all come to find that Cooper is on the quieter side, a mysterious enigma of sorts with a stone-faced complexion and an incredibly serious mentality. However, when you really get to know him, you’ll see that he loves to have fun and can kid around with the best of them.
Yet, when you get to know him, you’ll see that he is Miley Cyrus-esque in the sense that he gives off the idea that he lives a double life. With this in mind, I’ve come to a conclusion:
When Cooper Paradice runs the water to get into the shower, he becomes 9-time Grammy Award-winner, 2000s mega- pop icon Rihanna.
I wish I was actually being serious. However, it’s time to actually talk about something near and dear to my heart- the art of finding the perfect shower song. To provide context, Cooper’s go-to shower singalong is Rihanna’s “Umbrella.” My absolute favorite part is when he doesn’t realize his baritone voice sounds like the Allstate spokesman as he croons “Umbrella, ella, ella, ay, ay, ay, ay…”
You can’t even deny that everybody has a tune they love to belt out in the shower. For a while, mine was Adele’s “Chasing Pavements,” a ballad of introspection and self-realization that a certain lover has left her at a dead end. Do I think about the inner trauma Adele has experienced in this game of lover’s turmoil? No exactly? Do I passionately belt it out from the metaphorical mountaintops as if I’m standing in front of Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson? You better believe I’m trying to go to Hollywood.
And the acoustics! I don’t feel like Whitney Houston until I’m standing under the shower stream, embracing the magic of the setting and the acoustics within it. One’s voice can dip and swing in a mystical crescendo as they lather and rinse the day away.
In essence, the artist in all of us reappears when we hit the showers and hit the soundwaves. It can be tough to find an intimate setting where we feel comfortable enough to let out our truest emotions in song. A good old shower song is a testament to the emotional trials that humans experience in a lifetime. Whether it’s love or loss, there’s no place to be more self-expressive through song than the shower.
To Cooper: Despite the fact that you sound like a wannabe, contemporary, 150-pound version of Barry White, I respect your desire to express yourself in shower song. Will I ever get tired of hearing you yell out lyrics to the greatest pop hits of the mid-2000s? That’s going to be a no from me, dawg.