Challenging child support legislation

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, sex is great.  But it can also be terrifying.  Because with sex, heterosexual sex, there comes the risk of accidentally making a you 2.0.  I say accidentally because I don’t think many college students are trying to populate the world with smaller versions of themselves just yet.  Unless you’re working on some cloning project for world domination through a kind of storm trooper formula.  But like I put it before, that doesn’t apply to most college students.

That being said, let me potentially make some enemies.  Where I have a huge issue in this whole situation is the topic of child support.  Women have an enormous benefit with this touchy subject.  Or a pricey subject, if you happen to be a guy.

For instance, my sister doesn’t want kids right now.  She can do everything right, be on birth control, use a condom, use that stuff that kills sperm like a Yoko Ono song kills your eardrums, and still get pregnant.  But this story has a happy ending.  Because even if the guy whose sperm got friendly with her egg wants her to keep the kid, she can drop that slimy collection of cells from her uterus like she’s dropping a hot beat for someone to rap over.  And that is how it should be.  That measly guy who’s been having sex with my sister can take a hike.  I always thought he was a moron.  Freakin’ bum.

But let me turn the focus back onto myself, one of my areas of expertise.  I don’t want kids right now either.  In fact, if I ever want them, it will be so far in the future that right now it seems like I’ll never want them.  So what if the same situation happened to me?  What if I also do everything right – make sure she’s on birth control, use a condom, and have a pep talk with my sperm beforehand to not get any funny ideas – and she still gets pregnant because the condom breaks.  And now she wants to keep it.  Not the condom, the slimy wad of DNA.  She can keep the condom I suppose.  But if she wants to keep the baby, as it will eventually grow into, I am out of luck.  And that is where my concern lies.

You think you’re just having a good time with that girl from the bar, but potentially you’re facing 18 years of poop filled diapers, whiney teenagers, and paying for food you don’t get to eat.  Even if you don’t like your kid, they still get to mooch off you.  Look at little Jimmy, just sittin’ there in a highchair with his sippy cup like he runs the world.  Get a job Jimmy!

It made sense to hold a man accountable for a child back in the wild west when abortions and contraception weren’t an option.  It wasn’t fair for a woman to have to face the burden of raising a child on her own, trying not only to avoid rattlesnakes herself but also to help her smaller version avoid them as well.  Because no matter if she was ready to be a mother or not, she was going to be.

But it is different now.  Even if you get pregnant unexpectedly, you can abort that pregnancy.   And with these new choices there should be a change of policy.  If the guy doesn’t want a kid, makes that clear from the get go, and the woman still has the kid, he shouldn’t be held responsible for the child when it comes to child support payments.  

Some people argue that in having sex, the man is signing himself up for the possibility of having a kid.   Therefore, if little Jimmy suddenly shows up, bossing you around in his sly way that only you can see, financial backing of that child is more than reasonable.  

But sex these days is not about reproduction in most cases.  It is about having fun and getting to know someone else in an intimate setting.  So at the risk of repeating myself, we have options now that change the rules of the game.  And abortion isn’t the only one.  There is also adoption for those with objections to abortion.  These should be taken into account when writing legislation regarding support payments.  Of course, the first priority would be to avoid the need for those options in the first place.  Just…you know…use a condom.

Sex is such a phenomenal pastime.  It relieves stress and gives you some rock hard stomach muscles.  So why don’t we rewrite the laws so everyone can enjoy it without the worry of ending up with an unwanted kid stepping all over their dreams?  Come on little Jimmy, I was gonna be a wizard!

One of my close female friends likes to say, “The world would be a lot nicer if everyone had more sex.”  I couldn’t agree more.

Tim Drugan-Eppich is a senior majoring in English.