Procrastination meets motivation

Bret Belden

From the Loser
By Tim Drugan-Eppich
When I was given over a week and a half to write this, I had visions of well-planned time, writing and revising, and more revising, all working towards a terrific column. It would be one that would have the entire UNH community buzzing with astonishment at the incredible writing and original thought turned out by one of their own. And then perhaps the date offers would pour in, women clamoring to spend some time, please just a spare minute, with that incredible author of the column that changed the way I see the world, and caused world peace, and solved world hunger.
But sitting here with only a few meager hours to play with before the deadline catches up to me, I’m just hoping to write something that won’t make me seem like the idiot I so often am.
The problem for me, and I am assuming others can relate, is the tremendous difficulty in starting something. Of course there are many jokes about how much easier it is to do nothing than something; but until you need to do something, you don’t appreciate how satisfying doing nothing actually is. This is a wide spanning issue that affects most age groups and career paths. And because of that, there is an entire, very lucrative business model, based around the motivational movement.
There are motivational posters, motivational videos, motivational song playlists, and motivational smoothie names. There are apps to keep you on task, apps to help you avoid distracting websites, apps for friendly reminders, and apps for not so friendly reminders.
Being a consumer of nearly all of these tools, I have noticed that people who spend the time watching, reading, and using these services are doing much less than those who aren’t. Take what I have written so far as an example. It has taken me an astonishingly long time to write what is above. This is because in between each one of these paragraphs filled with gibberish I have: had an apple, walked around outside, played the only song I know on piano, done a pushup, attempted a pull-up, taken a nap, and spent more than a little time trying to figure out what was making that clicking sound in my kitchen. Throughout that process I have continually taken the time to slump onto my back with my computer resting on my chest to be motivated. Watching videos of huge men lifting bigger weights, astonishing women doing exercises I am sure would injure me, and athletes displaying why I never made it past high school sports. All this to the background music of some famous person telling me that all I have to do is want it enough, that my dreams are just around the corner; but that corner is an exhausting one to get around.
We live in a world where people become millionaires by singing on YouTube, middle-aged bloggers land huge book deals, and models get discovered on Instagram. So in that sense yes, anything is possible. But videos can be hard to shoot and I’m not a great singer. Setting up a blog is a pain and I’m uninteresting so I would have nothing to write about. And in order to be a model that anyone would want to look at I would have to hit the gym and puberty, neither of which I see happening soon.
So as much as I would love to change the world for the better and permanently leave my name throughout the history books, chances are I won’t. Because as much as I love the idea of being famous, getting started on it is something I can’t bring myself to do. Being lazy is much easier; and I’m already an expert at it.