Kanye West is rap’s most dichotomous figure: defined by genre-bending music, gorgeous, unique productions and the wherewithal to make you both laugh and cry in the same song. Kanye is undoubtedly a staple in the playlists of both hip-hop heads and casual rap listeners alike. He may be the only human alive who could produce an entire album for rap legend Nas during the same year he becomes creative director of the Pornhub Awards, but this is exactly what makes him special (and hilariously absurd).

Kanye is a beautiful contradiction, and while he’s had more than his fair share of ugly moments, his ability to counteract his repulsive recklessness with hymns of humility drenched in self-awareness is one of his most redeeming qualities as an artist. Within this public polarity that Kanye puts so out in the open exists loads of gut-busting humor. From Kanye declaring to live TV, during a national telethon to raise money for Hurricane Katrina victims, that “George Bush doesn’t care about black people” to his explanations of celebrity endorsements – “Look at Gaga, she’s the creative director of Polaroid. I like some of the Gaga songs; what the f*ck does she know about cameras?” – he never fails to make us laugh with his always-entertaining honesty.

So, when I saw Kanye came out with a song featuring Lil Pump that premiered at the Pornhub Awards titled “I Love It,” I knew that it was mandatory for me to check out. Sure, I knew it was going to be stupid, there was no denying that; but I knew I’d probably eat up every single second of it anyway, and then wish for even more moments of weird Kanye afterward.

In this spirit, I decided to do an insanely-detailed investigation of “I Love It” with second-by-second breakdowns of the madness. It seemed only right to document each and every Kanye smirk, one rare moment in history at a time.

0:11 This is where we talk about what they’re wearing and I make an annoying amount of comparisons to things they look like. Before I get to that; WHY ARE THEY SHAPED LIKE THAT? Their shoulders look like ping pong tables, they look like cereal-boxes come to life, their sleeves hang so idly off of their Roblox bodies it’s like they’re the shy kid in your high school who plays with the ends of his sleeves when he’s nervous. I’m not complaining, I love it more than I thought I could ever love two boxes. But I just need answers. I would pay any amount of money to be in the studio with Kanye when he thought of the idea to dress like an oversized Minecraft character and wear Yeezy slides custom-made for when Shaq and Godzilla had a baby.

0:14 The dreamily-happy look Kanye has on his face here is so goofy. Lil Pump is looking around nervously, as if he’s a college student who’s just walked into a silent lecture hall mid-class and still isn’t sure if it’s the right room or not. He’s also taking these really small, dainty steps, like he just accidentally shattered a dinner plate and doesn’t want to step on the shards. The only problem is I don’t think Lil Pump uses dinner plates. He’s a Harvard graduate, so I’m pretty sure he consumes his food through scientifically-engineered reverse osmosis. It’s science.

0:20 Oh, Kanye. Why does he look so nervous! What is the look he just gave to Adele Givens! It’s like he’s not sure whether to follow her down this creepily-white hallway lined with statues of naked women, like that sounds like something fun to do. Not to mention Givens is scaled up somehow and appears to be Gulliver towering over these two little guys. Then again, I’m not sure why I’d question reasoning during this, as if reason went behind the logic of this immaculate conception.

0:28 Kanye just hit the “dork,” adlib after Lil Pump said “Your boyfriend is a dork, Mclovin.” This is the same rapper who released “Jesus Walks” and shifted rap from the bling-era atrocity into something more palpable and artistically moving. This is the same musician who arranged beautiful string-sections and created one of the best-produced albums ever in “My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy.” This is the same man who wrote near-poetry when dissecting the difficulties of dealing with insecurities. And he just hit a “dork” adlib to cap off an atrocious Lil Pump line. Yet, I love it.

0:46 Kanye is swimming around in his massive slides and flipping them up as he dances and it’s giving me life. I hate myself for enjoying this so much.

1:01 This is an incredibly forgetful verse from Lil Pump, but at this point I think he’s in the song more just for the meme-factor of having Lil Pump exist as Lil Pump. Kanye just hit the most powerful “scoop” I’ve ever heard in my entire life. He looks so happy. I aspire to be that happy one day, but I don’t think I’ll ever star in music videos wearing slides that were made for the son of Yao Ming and Pearl from “SpongeBob.” Maybe one day.

1:15 Kanye says “sparklin’ water” like he really, really means it. I wish he was that passionate when he made “Ye” instead of making it in its entirety in two weeks. That’s okay, at least we got “Ghost Town” and this. The way they just panned from Kanye’s “Donda” chain to his massive slides is perfect; too perfect for this world. It was a truly ethereal, sublime moment. I’m not crying, you are.

1:28 Come on, now. That was the best ten seconds in music history. From Kanye rapping, “I’m a sick f*ck, I like a quick f*ck” repeatedly to his incessant yelling of “whoop” to the spin he hits rocking the can’t-fit-through-the-doorway bod, it completed the trifecta of musical perfection. Prince, Michael Jackson, NWA, step aside; Kanye and Lil Pump need to have a word.

1:35 Even Adele Givens is into it now. She tried to stay in character (whatever character that may be in this deranged vision) by being angry and scolding Kanye and Lil Pump, but now it’s too late. She’s dancing and smiling, unable to resist the joy of those two walking, wind-up jack in the boxes.

1:47 Kanye looks like a misbehaving child. He looks like he knows he did something wrong, the way he’s looking down at his feet when Givens’ gaze meets his. It’s like he’s walking down the hall in line during elementary school and steps out of line to talk to a friend before getting chided by the teacher.

This is so weird.

It was all so weird. I mean, it was weird beyond words. Somehow, though, the song is still a banger because Kanye can do no wrong behind the boards producing.

Again, this was so, so, so weird. Yet, “I love it.”